this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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