"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
