he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
