does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
