I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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