im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
