i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
This house was built for laser tag.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize