we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
