I think I won the penis lottery.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize