That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Someone shit on the floor
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
