i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
