all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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