Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
