Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
