I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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