im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
