just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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