Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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