Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
