Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
