Duck Duck Cougar?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
