Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
