wat bout pragnant strippers??
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
