I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
