I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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