i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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