Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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