btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Randomize
