I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
organizing the empties. That sober.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
