Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
