I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
