remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
