How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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