dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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