a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Randomize
