his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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