I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize