Soap is not a condiment
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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