Your dad touched me again.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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