I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
