I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I FOUND THE LEGS
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Randomize
