Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I forget how to act sober
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