no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
