your room smells of hookers.
And success
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
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