It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
