No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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