I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
