We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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