I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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