its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
