I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Randomize
