I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
