The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
