Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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