Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
