So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
How external is "for external use only"?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
