i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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