You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Enjoy the penises
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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