all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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