True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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