she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
