woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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