Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I deserve this hangover.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
