watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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