Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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