I saw his package. It spoke to me.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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