DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
