Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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