then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
