Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Found the puke drawer
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
