Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
