just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
We are all done wearing pants today
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