You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
