Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
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