Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Randomize
