i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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