2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
