So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
