I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
