The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
We had to coat check the pizza.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
