I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
