Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
