Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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