I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
