i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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