I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
