i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
