I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
