Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize