I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
