It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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