There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
