just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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