I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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