Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
