no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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