Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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