I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
