Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize