after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
well, you know. whores of a feather.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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