NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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