Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
This is my gift to your gina
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
