it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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