Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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