i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
