If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
