i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
