I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
