i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You pole danced in your parka.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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