if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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