Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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