do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
