he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
