he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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